i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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