I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
