Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
