she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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