Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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