this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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