im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
