Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
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