dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
