4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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