people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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