Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
