I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
