um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Randomize
