She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
