Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
