his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize