"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
