i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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