You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Randomize
