Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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