How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
