dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
