Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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