I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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