If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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