Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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