I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
