He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
