every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
