dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
