Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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