wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
