Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
