we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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