You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
