So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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