I wanna bring you to show and tell
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize