He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
