I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
