Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
