She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
