We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize