All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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