hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
