just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
