ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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