Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
