i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize