someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
