In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
