Porn is love you can see.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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