you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
