I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
