is your mom at the bar?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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