we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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