ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
my shit smells like andre
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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