i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I could fuck to npr.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize