You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
