I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
