I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
