How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
