this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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