That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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