I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
