where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Randomize
