The maid of honor just puked.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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