do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Welp...herpes.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
