let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
My life is pants optional.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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