I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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