She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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