so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
